Faith/Fate

If you've been reading along, you've probably been wondering what crawled up my shorts, died, and started rotting there to make me seem so cranky and pessimistic.

To be honest with you, though I've vented some pretty negative posts, and I felt that way in the moment, I don't feel that way all the time.

In all actuality, I'm quite hopeful about life in general. It may sound corny, but I do believe that everything happens for a reason, that we make mistakes and go through rough patches to learn what it is we truly want out of life.

There are a lot of great things happening in my life right now. I own my own home. My theatre company had a successful season opener and I will be appearing in our Fringe show this summer. I've been helping another friend out with pre-production work on his short film which will be shooting in August and in which he wants me to take the lead. Unlike other times people have told me they've wanted me in their film, this one is actually going to happen.

So what if I'm not nailing every audition I've been going to. Maybe there's a reason for that. Maybe my time is suppose to be free for something else. Or maybe, I'm suppose to realize that there are other areas of my life that need my attention...

Whatever it is, I believe that everything in my life is going to work out (is working out) to be the best for me.

*****************
Said The Universe to Nancy:

"Do you have any idea how many princesses have gone unrecognized by their prince, because of logic? Or, how many princes have gone unrecognized by their princess, because of pride?

How many dreams were dashed when the handmaiden answered the door? Or when the gatehouse was mistaken for the mansion? Or when the calm before the storm of abundance and good fortune was viewed as a sign to retreat?

Happily, we've got forever and ever. And fortunately, it's never too late to see what one's missed, remain focused on the dream instead of the "hows," and move with unwavering faith."

So you want to be an Actor?

My advice to you: don't. Just don't do it. Run far far away in the opposite direction and never look back.

Why? Because it is soul-crushingly hard.

You think your job is soul-crushing? Picture your last job interview. How nervous you were. How broke you were. How much you just "needed" it.

Now imagine that you have to go through that process all the time. Every single time you want to work. Every single time you want to get paid for doing what you love most in the world. Except, instead of strangers in the waiting room, you run into all of your friends. And you laugh nervously hoping against all hope that it will be you and not them and getting wracked with guilt at the same time for feeling that way.

Then when you finally go into the interview and you show them your resume and your credentials and you do a little song and dance for them, answer all their questions the right way, and you give it your all... after all that you find out that you actually didn't get it because of something so totally and completely out of your control like your height or your hair colour or your weight or your teeth or the fact that you look just like someone else at the office and it would be confusing to everybody else to have two of you running around...

You feel the wind knocked out of you. You see the ground fall out from beneath you and those stars and dreams you were reaching out for that just a minute ago seemed so close slide further and further away. And your Sisyphean oddyssey begins again...

So unless you are prepeared to dust yourself off every time and start pushing that boulder once again, I repeat, don't become an actor. Just don't.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to clean off the dust on my shoes.

I Don't Get It

Over the past two months, I had been spending a lot of time and money on acting workshops. In fact, I had one just this past weekend.

These workshops have been great since most of them focused on the almighty audition. You see, it's a well known fact that you can be one of the greatest actors in the world, but just completely suck at auditions.

There's a story in one of my books that talks about this casting director who was out seeing A Streetcar Named Desire on stage with Marlon Brando. Brando had completely mesmerized him and he called his assistant to ask why he had never seen this wonderful actor before. His assistant checked in their files. Marlon Brando had already auditioned for this casting director eight times.

I believe I am a good actor. It's more than that actually. I know I am a good actor. This past weekend, I felt comfortable in my skin during my mock auditions with a prominent casting director from Toronto. I actually liked the way I looked on camera and truly felt that I had done some of my best work. Best of all, I had fun. I was ready for my next big audition!

Which happened to be today...

It was for a corporate video, in English and in French. No problem, I thought. I know that I have a natural ability to host things. I learned my lines and I dressed the part.

But something happened today...

I started getting scared. I started thinking about how much I really wanted to nail this gig because I hadn't done any professional work in a while now. I started thinking about my credit card and how much I could really really really use the money. I started worrying about my braces and the fact that most people believe me if I tell them I'm twenty... the breakdown said they wanted someone 30 to 40...

I panicked.

All the way down on the bus, I went over my lines in my head. Ok, good, I know them. I put on some lipstick and powdered my nose. Great, I look stylishly business but still friendly and cute. Then the receptioninst told me they had a telepromter in the room. Even better!

I sat down and tried to calm the pounding in my heart, tried to breathe and ground myself, tried to just relax and have fun, tried to get rid of the pasty, chalky taste in my mouth. This is just another silly audition after all.

I walked down a hall and around cubicles to the room. Somehow it felt like "dead-man walking". I walked into the room. The faces were friendly, familiar and smiling. Nothing to worry about.

There is NO teleprompter.

SHIT!

I placed myself on the mark. I'm asked to do the English sides first. No problem, no problem. "Welcome to the..." OH fuck! Welcome to what? WELCOME TO WHAT?!? I feel the papers shake in my hand as I look down the barrel. The director tells me I can read from the page if I want to.

But I don't need to read, I KNOW MY LINES! I KNEW THEM ON THE BUS! ASK THE LADY WHO THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY FOR WHISPERING THEM NEXT TO HER!!! I want to scream that out, but I don't.

I try again. I stumble and bumble and fumble again and again. I don't want to read directly from the sheet because my hands are trembling so much that the sheet shakes and makes a terrible noise. I'm sure it sounds louder in my head.

It seems to take forever. Start-Stop-Go Again. Stumble some more...

The French is just like the English.

By the time we go in for a closer shot, I'm so pissed at myself, I'm sure I don't sound too friendly. At least, I don't seem to need the sheet anymore.

SEE! I did know my lines.

Too late though.

The director shakes my hand on the way out and tells me she hopes it's not too cold out. I stutter (when did I pick up a stutter?) that it's actually quite beautiful out... quite quite quite beautiful.

Besides, I'm so hot under the collar right now, I don't think I can ever again feel cold.

I leave, holding my head up, trying not to cry.

Man that sucked!

I make it all the way downstairs before I realize I forgot my coat.

Shit, fuck, shit, fuck, fuck, fuck SHIIIIIIIITTTT!!!!

Great, now my eyes are leaking.


Sigh... now I have to just put it all behind me until the next audition.


So you sure you want to be an actor?

Ventriloquist Review

We got a glowing review this morning from CBC Radio's Alvina Ruprecht for our production of The Ventriloquist. You can read it for yourself below, or check out at the CBC website, along with the NAC's All for Love Review here:
Our section in the review starts at about 6 minutes and 50 seconds in.

Needless to say, I am incredibly pleased. I hope, if you haven't seen the show already, that you will be able to make it out this week. We have shows from Wed to Sat at 8pm in the Studio Leonard Beaulne of the University of Ottawa. There is also a 3pm matinee on May 3rd. Tickets can be reserved by calling 613-864-3386 or by email through reservations@evolutiontheatre.ca. You can also buy them in advance at the Oz Kafé (361 Elgin St.) between 5pm and 2am - Tuesday to Sunday or at the door. CASH ONLY

I am very proud of our "important contribution to the professional theatre scene in Ottawa" and I hope that you will all be able to come out and support us this week.

**********************************************

Host: Now, I understand you also want to talk about a new play by Evolution Theatre that also opened last week.

Alvina: Yes, this is a new… Evolution Theatre is a new professional company and the play they are doing now is called The Ventriloquist, and it’s a little dramatic chef d’oeuvre by veteran Québécois playwright, Larry Tremblay. This is an English translation by Keith Turnbull and this is a drama that delves into the psyche of an individual who lives in his own reality.

Now, I don’t want to give away any surprises, but I can say that there is a young man here manipulating a doll who appears to be an adolescent girl and he is called the ventriloquist, because he’s projecting voices through her. But as the play progresses we realize that the voices are those coming from a very disturbed mind that is playing out sexual fantasies and all kinds of other needs. And the thing is we are drawn into this inner world without actually realizing what is happening. It’s not clear until the very end. Very interesting, the structure was very interesting.

It’s a brilliant little play the director, Chris Bedford, has understood perfectly and he has enhanced the psychic disturbance by stylizing it all to the hilt, which was perfect. He even brings in shadow performances by parents who sort of flutter in the background and to draw out the grotesque nature of it all. And the lead actress, Lisa Twardowska, who plays the young girl, Gaby, is excellent.

This is a serious group of young people who are ready to take on the challenges, I think, of demanding contemporary theatre and they should be supported. They’re doing a really good job. They don’t have much money, obviously, at this point, but they are an important contribution to the professional theatre scene in Ottawa and that’s quite good.

So that’s The Ventriloquist in the Léonard-Beaulne Studio at the University of Ottawa . And you can call 613-864-3386 for times and tickets.

Opening Night Jitters

Hello Friends!

Today is a very exciting day for us at Evolution Theatre. Not only is our first show of the season, The Ventriloquist, opening tonight at 8pm in the Studio Léonard-Beaulne at the University of Ottawa, but we are also priveledge to be holding the Ottawa English language premiere.

The show runs approximately 1 hour and 10 minutes with no intermission. After the show, we will be heading over to the Oz Kafé (361 Elgin Street) to celebrate.

We would be incredibly pleased if you could join us at either venue. However, if you can't make it, there are still plenty of opportunities for you to check out the show.

We can't wait to see you there!

Nancy Kenny
Director of Communications
Evolution Theatre


Evolution Theatre's first show of the season, Larry Tremblay's The Ventriloquist, runs from April 23rd to April 27th and April 30th to May 3rd at 8pm at the Studio Léonard-Beaulne at the University of Ottawa. There is also a 3pm matinee on May 3rd.

Tickets are $15 for adults / $10 students and seniors
CASH only at the door or in advance at the Oz Kafé (361 Elgin Street).

Reserve your spot via email: reservations@evolutiontheatre.ca or by calling 613-864-3386

This show contains mature themes and subject matters and may not be suitable for all audiences.

Sometimes There Is No Other Shoe

So you want to start a theatre company?

I've been wondering for a while how I was going to approach this topic.

At first, I wanted to say it's actually quite easy, and technically it is. Just grab some friends, a show, a venue and name your group something. BLAMMO! Insta-theatre company. And if that's all you really want to do, that's all you need.

But once you start realizing that you want to make something out of this company, that you not only want it to stay afloat, when so many of its predecessors have disappeared from the limelight, you actually want it to succeed, well that's when you have to start treating it like a business. And that's when things should start getting hard.

At least, that's what I thought. But the truth of the matter is, I've never taken on a project that has been this easy in my entire life.

For those of you who may not know, along with two other friends, I've started a theatre company called Evolution Theatre. (Feel free to look up our origins there since I won't go into it here.)

Now to be fair, starting and running a theatre company takes a lot of work. I just don't happen to think it's very difficult work (or maybe I actually like the work so much that I don't consider it difficult?). However, I have never been a part of something that has run so smoothly before.

We want sponsors? We got 'em! We want a logo and show posters? Here comes an amazing graphic designer! We want to organize a successful season launch with members of the media and theatre VIPs? Done!
(I've got Roy Orbison's Anything You Want running through my head right now.)

It's funny, I have this feeling inside me that what we are doing is just meant to be and that's why it has been so simple. Sure there's been a few hicups here and there, but nothing we couldn't manage.

What's even funnier is that my usual instinct in these types of situations when things are going right would be to expect something to go wrong, to expect for that proverbial "other shoe" to drop. And you know what happens when you wait for that other shoe? It usually does - not to mention you also let all the really great stuff in your life pass you by as you waited for it to do so.

So, as of this moment (or maybe as of a few weeks ago when I thought about this), there is no other shoe. From now on, I walk around on one foot.

...

Metaphorically speaking, of course.

...

Am I even making any sense?

Learning to Say No

Sometimes I think I'm Superman(girl?). I'm strong and fast, I can do it all and still have a healthy dinner ready, my laundry folded, and my taxes done.
Sometimes I am also incredibly insecure. I don't think I'm good enough as an actor, that any work I get is out of pure luck, and that my last gig really was my last.

A combination of these two factors has made it so that, in the last three years, I've tackled almost every audition that came my way and worked on any and every project that would have me.

A few burnouts and some mild cases of depression later, I've realized that maybe, just maybe, that was not the best way to manage my career and my life.

In the last week or so, I've actually turned down not one but two opportunities to audition for some really great theatre companies in town; two companies that on any given day I would probably kill for (or at the very least, bake banana bread for).
The timing of their shows, however, just doesn't work out with stuff that I either already have on the go or plan on having on the go.

Saying "No" wasn't easy. It took me two days of soul searching for each company before I came to a decision and acknowledging that though I'm not so insecure, I'm also not superhuman. However, in the long run, I know that this decision is the best for me at this moment in my life. And that's what really matters.